Your Tired and Weary – My old BBQ

The New Model

For several years now, I have been lusting after a new BBQ. But being the cheap bastard that I am, I kept waiting to see a good sized bbq, in stainless, with side burner, for under $ 400.00. I have waited for many years, but I finally found it. For $ 299.99 at the Superstore, I have purchased a superb new stainless bbq with side burner and onboard storage.

My previous bbq has been serving me well since about 2001, but I must confess, as time has marched on, I have been feeling more and more sorry about the old Fiesta Regency 2000. Compared to todays much more fabulous stainless steel models, it looked so puny and out of date, and so lacking in stainless steel. Can you imagine me, Jack Velvet having to go through life without a stainless steel bbq? I can’t. Eventually, I decided the old beast was bringing me down, and it was time to stop the insanity.

* Some Assembly Required!

Though I have many fond memories attached to the old machine, I was really looking forward to finally upgrading to the new. All this said, the old one is still a good bbq and probably needs a new home. I will be taking entries to find a deserving home for the old beast.

And now for the new bbq. 57,000 BTU, 3 main burners, side burner, and onboard storage for major bbq tools such as tank, brush, salt and pepper shaker on a stick, pellet gun, slingshot, etc… Mmmm, you can practically smell the meat cooking now.

The box weighed about 140 pounds. Miss Pinky had to help me get it out of the trunk of the car, lest I get a hernia or otherwise harm myself. There were a lot of parts, and the instructions were a bit complicated, but eventually, along with my tools, I prevailed and a new bbq was born. It was glorious. I burned it in for 15 minutes to get any chemical residues out of the thing, let it air out, and then later on in the day, made some inaugural burgers on the fine new machine. A veritable Fiesta of Fossil Fuels! The burgers were excellent. Eddy Velvet Sr. enjoyed them very much. With a full 57,000 BTUs of heat, I can practically feel the global warming now!

Which brings us to disposition of my former bbq. What to do with the old beast? I was thinking that in the grand scheme of things, I am lucky to be able to purchase a fabulous new bbq. But what about those poor lost souls struggling without a bbq to call their own? I am therefore launching a grand new philanthropic endeavour, the Jack Velvet BBQs for Bachelors Project (JVBBQBP). The Jack Velvet BBQs for Bachelors Project is dedicated to donating used bbqs to deserving inner city bachelors who can’t otherwise afford to get a decent bbq. This project promises to bring much meat mirth to many men, who would otherwise be shivering in the dark, without any means of properly browning burgers, steaks or other red meat. If you have recently purchased a new bbq, please consider donating your old model to the JVBBQBP to help some poor deserving bachelor in the inner city to get a working bbq. This along with the Jack Velvet Home for Unwed Fathers in Las Vegas Nevada, which sends deserving inner city bachelors to Las Vegas for a weekend of wine women and song, will form the centrepiece of Jack Velvet’s philanthropic efforts for 2008.
Please help us make a difference for these forgotten souls.

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